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Before you pour energy into changing or assisting people, let go of your need to have other
people grow, appreciate you, or act in any particular way. Sometimes your strong desire to have them change may be the very thing that keeps them from growing. As you detach and stop
worrying about them, they will be freer to grow.
Orin
Helping others & oneself: Orin, the entity channelled by Sanaya Roman, has much advice worth considering in my view regarding the questions surrounding helping people in distress (such as the poor, the homeless,
alcoholics, etc.) which I have personally found very useful. It is complemented by some spiritual insights into the subject of helping offered by Edgar Cayce whose
central concepts include "Mind is the Builder", "Thoughts are things" and "That which you think you become"... Some of my own experiences & reading can be found at Is giving money and/or other help always for the highest good of all concerned?: On the question of how to best handle beggars in the street, "karma", "thoughts create reality", probabilities, love etc.
Orin On Helping Others & Oneself
collated from Orin's books
"Before you pour energy into changing or assisting people, let go of your need to have other people grow, appreciate you, or act in any particular way. Sometimes your strong desire to have them change may be the very thing that keeps them from growing. As you detach and stop worrying about them, they will be freer to grow."
"When you perceive that people are in trouble, hurting, or facing
life-threatening or desperate situations, the most important work you can do for them is your soul work. To assist people in these situations, soul link [the process of soul-linking according to Orin is described in his book Soul Love] and radiate love. Ask for these people's guardian angel and soul to assist them.
If they are stuck in a seemingly hopeless or desperate situation, be inventive and broadcast an image of something such as a doorway, a path of light that they might find, or other images that could assist these people. Surround them with love and light. Affirm that they have all the power, wisdom, and strength to handle whatever circumstances they have created or found themselves in."
"Get quiet and mentally ask people's Higher Selves if it is appropriate for you to give assistance, or if they still need to learn the lessons their problems are teaching them. You will get a definite sense of whether or not it is all right to assist them. If you get no answer, wait before you assist them, and ask again at another time. Don't do anything until you get a sense that it is appropriate to help them in the way you are thinking about."
"Wisdom is knowing when to help and when not to. Often, the most loving thing you can do for people is to stand by while they learn their lessons. If you come in and act as their savior, you may take away the lessons and growth they were getting out of that situation. Then they will have to create it all over again. It may feel hard to be wise, for often it is easier to jump in and rescue people than stand by and watch them go through difficult and sometimes painful lessons."
"... recognize ways you are offering love that aren't empowering others to become more unified with their higher selves and souls. ... Be gentle with yourself if you start seeing that many things you thought you were doing that were loving — saving people from their problems, giving up your life to take care of loved ones, avoiding confrontation, and so on, may not be the highest way to love and empower people. You may feel sad or even devastated when you realize that the ways you expressed love were not truly empowering others. For instance, you may have thought you were being noble by giving up all your needs and spending your time solving everyone's problems. As your vision expands and your love becomes wiser, you realize that loving others in this way has been taking away their lessons and actually keeping them from growing and becoming stronger. Rather than seeing yourself as an altruistic, sacrificing person, you come to see that focusing on others' lives has been an escape from making your own life work, and hasn't truly been serving others, either. And, others may become resentful and unappreciative of all you have done, leading to feelings of self-pity."
[New, higher ways you can express love, ways that honor your true self and the true self of others.] "You may need to say and do things that serve the souls of others, but that may not always make the "personality self" of others feel good. Your self-image of pleasing everyone may not hold true when you take higher action that serves someone's soul but might not please his or her personality. With Divine Love, you put people's higher good above being popular. For instance, you may recognize that whatever others are experiencing is brought to them by their souls to help them become stronger and wiser, and you stop taking away their lessons. Or, you may start setting boundaries, honor yourself and your time by saying "no," and by asserting yourself."
"You can dissolve obstacles to love by releasing the need to save people from their problems. You can love others as your soul does by allowing them to be responsible for their own lives. Taking care of others, worrying about their lives, and solving their problems can occupy so much of your attention and emotions that you have no energy left to put into your own life and spiritual path. When you stop saving others, you can release any resentment you might feel for all the time and energy you spent on them."
"...a belief many of you picked up from your culture that you do not have the right to choose whom you are around. You may feel you owe your time and energy to others, or that you are obligated to give them attention if they want to be a part of your life. Some of you believe you must be loving, supportive, and caring to everyone. Loving someone does not mean making their feelings more important than your own. If you study the lives of highly evolved beings, you will see that there are many ways of being loving to others, including being blunt and not tolerating petty behavior, although speaking bluntly is done with compassion and love."
"Being committed to your higher purpose and loving to yourself is your first priority. In your day-to-day contacts, know that you do not owe anyone your time and energy. They are the greatest gifts you have been given, and how you use them will determine how much you will evolve in this lifetime."
"If you are carrying other people's burdens, put them down. Your soul knows that taking responsibility for themselves and their lives is one of the most important ways people can grow and become strong. It knows that people have worked hard to bring about their current circumstances, no matter how difficult or unpleasant, so they can learn and grow. Experiencing the consequences of their actions provides people with the motivation to make changes in their lives. Saving people makes them weaker rather than stronger."
"When you feel depreciated, angry, or drained, it is a sign that other people are not open to your energy. They may be receiving it in a way that is not healing, perhaps to feed their ego. They may be blocking you and not wanting your energy. When you notice that you are feeling depleted in any way, if you
are leaning forward, trying to reach others, begging for their attention, or feeling drained, unappreciated, unacknowledged or unsupported, it is time to ask why you remain in that situation."
"Many of you have set up lives for yourselves that are not joyful because you believe that you are obligated to others, that you need to be needed, or that you are enslaved by one situation or another. The challenge of the path of joy is to create freedom."
"Some of you have difficulty accomplishing your life's work because you are too busy supporting others in their careers or life's work. You may be setting aside your own work until the person you are helping succeeds. Helping others get their work out to the world and being part of a team can be very important. You will know if this role is your life's work because serving in this way will be joyful and feel good deep within you. If you are helping others out of obligation, not out of joy, check again to see if this is truly what you want to do."
"Empowerment means teaching people skills they can use to take charge of their own lives rather than bailing them out of recurring problems. Ask
yourself, "Is what I am doing to help this person serving him or her to become more self-sufficient and independent, or is simply a stop-gap measure that
changes nothing?" Only take action if it is for the first reason."
"See the gems that lie buried in people. Acknowledge people when you see them, speak of their progress, their growth and beauty. If they want to give you a negative story of their life, do not sympathize but go into a role of compassion and help them see the gifts the situation is giving them. If you hear people speaking of negative things immediately send them positive pictures."
"You might strengthen your decision to recognize what is good and beautiful about someone you love by affirming to yourself, "I love and recognize the greatness within you, and I also love those parts of you that are not yet evolved." Acknowledge that there is a beautiful side to this person, even if you
are in the middle of a disagreement, or if the person seems to be in a bad mood or nonreceptive. Focusing on what is good about people will assist them in manifesting and bringing those qualities into their lives. You may find people acting in more loving ways when you recognize all the good and light within them. As you see the light within others, you assist them in knowing and expressing this light."
"Do not try to change others as a way to make your life work. Join with your soul, affirm your power to create the life and relationships you want, and begin now to take whatever steps are necessary to do so."
"Think of someone close to you. What images are you sending to this person about who they are? As you think of what you are sending, look at this person's soul right now and ask if there are images you could send that would help him or her evolve. You can help people grow by focusing on their potential."
"You have the right not to hear about or become involved with other people's problems. Maintain a level of detached observation; decide if you can truly assist them and if they want or can even use your assistance. If you do decide to provide assistance to someone with a problem, make a conscious decision to do so."
"Learn to detach from people's personalities, pettiness, or little faults. Focus instead on their greatness and you will experience more of it. Non-attachment is loving people as they are and finding the right moment to insert a thought, a touch, or love into their lives to empower them to make a shift to a higher level of consciousness."
"Part of the essence of spirituality is the belief in true abundance--of time, love, and energy. You teach others by setting an example. It may be hard, if not impossible, to help others lead abundant lives if you do not have a feeling of abundance about your own life. You do not want living at a survival level and experiencing lack to be the examples you set. When you have the right amount of money and money works in your life, people will learn about abundance by your example."
"Take a moment right now to ask that part of you that is so good at helping others if it would be willing to commit its energies to helping you discover and carry out your own life's work. It is usually delighted to be asked to help you."
"Having a desire to assist others, and a concern for their well-being helps in attracting a high-level guide. Channeling always serves others in one way or another, elevating the vibration of the world around you. Any of you who are assisting others in any way-through your business, personal or family lives, or through your creative endeavors-will be able to attract a high-level guide. As you heal and help others to whatever degree you desire, you will also grow."
As Orin says, please use your discernment and accept only what rings true to the deepest part of your being.
I read an interesting "helper syndrome" definition in a book on regression therapy: the "compulsive" helper often combines a deep (I think always subconscious) feeling of guilt (from past lives in particular), the ensuing wish to make up by helping, and the "need" and urge to punish himself, again out of a feeling of guilt (not treating himself to good things because of the feeling he doesn't deserve, seeking out painful situations, etc.).
Some Edgar Cayce Quotes on Helping & Purpose in Life
The purpose in life, then, is not the gratifying of appetites nor of any selfish desires, but it is that the entity, the soul, may make the earth, where the entity finds its consciousness, a better place in which to live.
Edgar Cayce Reading 4047-2
. . to bring hope, to bring cheer, to bring joy, yea to bring a smile again to those whose face and heart are bathed in tears and in woe, is but making that divine love shine--shine--in thy own soul.
Then smile, be joyous, be glad! For the day of the Lord is at hand.
Edgar Cayce Reading 987-4
But the less one thinks of self's opinions, and the better listener one becomes, greater may be the opportunities for being of help or benefit
to those about the entity.
Edgar Cayce Reading 2612-1
For he that contributes only to his own welfare soon finds little to work for. He that contributes only to the welfare of others soon finds too much of others and has lost the appreciation of self, or of its ideals.
. . . Know that the power or strength for any influence as related to the help of others must come from the universal source and not from self alone. For the individual may sow the seed, the Infinite must give the increase--it must do the multiplying. Man can detract, but he can add little to God's purpose in the earth save through the grace and mercy of God Himself.
Edgar Cayce Reading 3478-2
... as the body may dedicate its life and its abilities to a definite service, to the Creative Forces, or God, there will be healing forces brought to the body.
This requires, then, that the mental attitude be such as to not only proclaim or announce a belief in the divine, and to promise to dedicate self to same, but the entity must consistently live such.
Edgar Cayce Reading 3121-1
More individuals become so anxious about their own troubles, and yet helping others is the best way to rid yourself of your own troubles. For what is the pattern? He gave up Heaven and entered physical being that ye might have access to the Father.
Edgar Cayce Reading 5081-1
From what may anyone be saved? Only from themselves! That is, their
individual hell; they dig it with their own desires!
Edgar Cayce Reading 262-40
To not know, but do the best as is known, felt, experienced in self, to him it is counted as righteousness.
Edgar Cayce Reading 1728-2
Somewhat in line with Cayce's above advice "to make the world a better place", you can
download here a moving and powerful
reminder of the conditions under which millions
of our sisters and brothers live (and die) on our planet
or should I say the probable (quantum) planet we are currently co-creating...
Contrasting in this manner how they live with our own outwardly incomparably more comfortable circumstances may help putting personally felt suffering, no matter how hard or even unbearable it may appear, into a greater perspective (and thus alleviate it), or remind those who complain about ultimately specious causes of discontent, to be grateful for
what they do have. It may also stimulate us further into working towards
creating a more loving & helpful world. It is not meant as a raised
index finger or to create a feeling of guilt in you.
Compare Is giving money and/or other help always for the highest good of all concerned? My own experiences & reading, particularly regarding the question of how to best handle beggars in the street. On "karma", "thoughts create reality", probabilities, love etc.
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